


my life is changing every day

by macsdennis



Category: Derry Girls (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, More tags to be added, Slow Burn, Teen Romance, also michelle/clare if you really squint, erin is oblivious, erin is scared, mostly of michelle, set after the clinton visit, so is James tbh, until they aren’t
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:13:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22615423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macsdennis/pseuds/macsdennis
Summary: In which Erin is missing and only James knows why. Drama ensues.
Relationships: James Maguire/Erin Quinn
Comments: 27
Kudos: 95





	1. can’t think of anything to dream about

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is my first fic bc i love jerin and decided there aren’t enough fics about them!!

“Right, girls. I think this is becoming a problem.”

The girls, minus one key player, were situated outside of Finnoula’s chip shop, still not daring to enter. Clare stood in front of Michelle, Orla and James, very much retaining the air of a tiny military general about to rally the troops.  
Michelle took a drag of her fag. “Ach, Clare, stop being overdramatic.”  
Clare’s familiar cry of incredulity echoed into the night. “I’m sorry Michelle, I’m not sure if you noticed, but our best friend is MISSING-“  
“She’s not missing you dick, she’s just-“  
“What, Michelle? What? WHERE IS SHE?”  
Michelle, for once, seemed at a loss for words, until a spark of inspiration lit up her face. “Orla’s seen her!”

The other three looked across at Orla, who was preoccupied with the hunting knife that Granda Joe had gifted to her the day before.  
“Orla?” Clare’s frustration was palpable in the increasingly squeaky tone of her voice.  
“Aye, sure I’ve seen Erin.”  
“When?”  
“Last week, so it was.”  
Michelle huffed. “Ach, Orla, for God’s sake, you live with her!”  
“So? She barely leaves her room nowadays, she only comes down to get food.” Orla ran her index finger across the blade. “Foraging like a bear, so she is.”  
Clare and Michelle exchanged exasperated looks. Clare plopped herself down onto the stone bench, looking very much like she was having a minor heart attack. “We can’t just not do anything! Our BEST FRIEND could be in a CRISIS for all we know, she could be INJURED, or even DEAD, we haven’t seen her in WEEKS and she isn’t answering the door, WHAT are we meant to -“  
“For God’s sake, Clare, shut up!”

An irritated voice burst into the night, startling Clare out of her rant and making Michelle drop her fag - even Orla was distracted from her knife.  
James stood with his fists clenched by his sides, looking sheepishly at the ground, almost as if he couldn’t believe what had come out of his mouth.  
Michelle immediately rounded on her cousin.  
“Oi dickweed, what’s got into you?”  
James shuffled from one foot to the other, avoiding eye contact with any of the girls. Finally, he looked up. He seemed to struggle with what to say, then huffed.  
“I-I know what’s wrong with Erin.” 

*1 week earlier*

After the excitement and heavily-denied tearfulness of the Clinton visit had died down, the girls and James had headed back to the Quinn abode. Mary had happily welcomed James back, only occasionally exchanging glances with Gerry and ignoring Sarah’s continued comments about Cathy Maguire’s eyebrows. James was a welcomed presence in the home and, although she would never admit it, Mary was happy to see all the wains so full of joy. 

Michelle sat with her arm around Clare, whilst Orla stretched out like a cat across Erin with her head in James’s lap. They were all piled one of top of the other - they needed to be, after the trauma they nearly encountered. Losing James would have been a severe blow to all of them. 

Erin sleepily raised her head from its spot on James’ shoulder and looked at her friends - her family. For once, nobody was arguing or sniping. Michelle wasn’t attacking James, Clare wasn’t stressing everyone out - all was calm. Erin smiled, burrowed her head back into James’ shoulder and dozed off again. James pulled his arm tighter around her and pretended that he didn’t see Orla’s knowing smirk. 

She could be remarkably perceptive when she wanted to. 

After a few hours snuggled up on the settee watching crappy TV, Michelle yawned and cracked her back.  
“I don’t know about you girls, but I’m knackered.”  
The others looked at her incredulously - it was exceedingly rare that Michelle would ever be the first to turn in.  
“What?” she said defensively. “Long day. You coming, James?”  
James smiled at her fondly. “Nah, I’m going to stay and help Mrs. Quinn clear up. You go, I’ll be home in a bit.”  
Clare stood up with Michelle. “Aye, I’m turning in too.”  
The two headed out, leaving Orla, Erin and James on the sofa. Orla rolled off of Erin onto the floor, becoming preoccupied with her wee fingers. 

Erin could feel the heat of James’ body through her clothes as she sat with her arm pressed against his. She could sense him watching her, and suddenly felt nervous.  
“I’m glad I didn’t leave.”  
He spoke softly to her and her only.  
Erin turned her face up towards him.  
“Me too, James.” 

Now, Erin didn’t usually concern herself with romance novels. She was far too intellectual to read any of those crappy, unrealistic stories. However, her mother and Aunt Sarah had a penchant for them (to the exasperation of Gerry) and Erin sometimes - not often! - found herself poring through them.  
When she looked up at James from her place on the sofa, she suddenly felt as if she was a heroine from one of those books, it she felt it wouldn’t be too far-fetched to say that electricity crackled in the air between them. Erin didn’t even notice the time, which was well past midnight, or that Orla had left the living room and gone upstairs. 

It was just her and James on the sofa. 

“Were you really going to leave?” Erin’s own voice sounded strange in her ears.  
James sighed. “I don’t know. I was so happy that she’s finally come back for me that I didn’t really think about anything else.” He broke her gaze. “I didn’t mean what I said about Stockholm syndrome. Or... or any of it.”

Erin swallowed.  
“Good. I-I’m glad you didn’t.”

His grey eyes never left hers. She could hear him breathing heavily. Her eyelashes fluttered.

“James, I-“

Suddenly his lips were on hers. Not rough or urgent, but soft. The breath caught in Erin’s throat as her hand automatically moved to card through his curly hair. All she could focus on was the feeling of his hands on her waist and his lips gently moving against hers; Erin’s heart was pounding like the drums of the Orange Order. 

Slowly, they broke apart. James rested his forehead on hers. 

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that for.”

His voice was far deeper than usual - she had never really seen this side of him, so real and in control. So there. 

“Are-are you okay? Was that okay?”

Erin realised she hadn’t spoken since they’d stopped kissing. 

Yes. Yes, of course it was okay. Please do it again.

“I-“

This can’t happen. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Erin sprang up from the sofa and ran upstairs, leaving James alone in the living room.


	2. happiness was never guaranteed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angry michelle is angry

“What the fuck, James?!”

Michelle’s curly black hair seemed to be almost standing on end as she paced back and forth. Clare sat on the bench with her mouth wide open, and even Orla seemed mildly shocked.   
James stood rooted to the spot, staring at the ground.

The minute he had finished speaking, Michelle had exploded, shouting expletives into the cold night, giving off the impression she might turn into the Incredible Hulk at any second.

“You, you- you tried to RIDE Erin? Our Erin? You fucking prick-“  
“Michelle!” Clare attempted to speak over her friend but Michelle continued unperturbed.  
“It’s fucking insane, it’s unnatural! You can’t ride Erin, you’re- you’re English! And you’re YOU! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

James’s fists clenched as he tried to stay calm.  
“Michelle, I’m not-“  
“I don’t want to hear it.” Michelle stopped pacing and glared at her cousin. “You fucked up. You don’t like her like that, you were just feeling down because your mam left again, and now you’ve scared Erin off as well. Well done, you English prick.”

And with that, she stormed off into the night. Clare gave James’s hand a quick squeeze and scuttled after Michelle, leaving the English boy with Orla. He sat down heavily on the bench.

“What am I meant to do, Orla?”

She considered for a moment.

“I think it’s nice.”  
“What?”  
“You wanting to ride Erin. I think it’s nice.”

James smiled faintly, but it quickly disappeared from his face. 

“Erin obviously doesn’t. She’s basically cut me out of her life, what does that say except she doesn’t want anything to do with me?” 

It was then that Orla decided she would get her cousin and her best friend together before the end of the half term if it killed her. 

As James and Orla walked home, Michelle was storming towards the Mallon household, Clare hot on her heels.  
“Michelle, I think you need to be rational about this-“  
“I am being rational thank you very much Clare,” Michelle spat. “I am being much more fucking rational than some people.”  
“I know it’s weird but I don’t understand WHY you’re so upset about this!”  
“Because!” Michelle span around, making Clare reel backwards. “It’s- it’s just- it’s going to fucking change everything.”

Unexpectedly, she sat down on the curb. Clare, keeping her distance slightly, say down as well. She wasn’t used to Michelle being this open, so she didn’t want to risk pissing her off even more.

“What do you mean?”   
“I just mean... oh for feck’s sake. I mean if Erin and James do, if they do end up like, you know. It won’t be the same.”   
Clare sighed. “I know what you mean.”  
They sat in silence for a while.

“Do you think they actually like each other?” Michelle’s voice was low.  
“I really do. I might be a lesbian but even I can see the way he looks at her. Even Orla could see it.”

Michelle ran her hand through her wild hair. “God, I feel like a dick for kicking off like that.”  
“Is this you admitting you were wrong?”  
“Catch yourself on.”


	3. less time for more things that i need to say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nice bit of erin introspection here yay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love my confused pretentious baby

Erin made sure to tell herself there was something romantic in her new solitary existence.  
Instead of spending her time on childish pursuits like watching Michelle drink vodka in the park or learning step dances with Orla, she could now focus on writing proper stories. Reading proper books. Focusing on herself. 

Who the hell was she kidding.  
Erin was bored. 

She knew her parents were concerned by the way her Da periodically popped his head around her bedroom door to ask “You alright, love?” and the way her Ma watched her hawkishly during tea time, the only time Erin would leave her room. Granda Joe gave her a bear hug ever time he saw her, and even Auntie Sarah had offered her a mani-pedi, which Erin had very quickly declined after watching Sarah struggle to light her fag with her long red talons. 

None of them had asked what was wrong, however. Erin knew why: usually, whenever anything bad happened, she stormed around the house, shouting at anyone who came near, overplaying the drama to a concerning degree. This solitary, silent Erin, on the other hand, was completely new. 

One week.  
One week since it had happened.  
IT. The Incident.  
Erin couldn’t even bring herself to write it in her diary - every time she tried, she just couldn’t place her pen on the page and eventually gave up. 

Spending time alone was good because it meant she wouldn’t have to face the girls, who always knew when she was keeping a secret.  
However, it gave her endless time to think about the very reason she was hiding away.  
Which was not ideal.

When James had first entered their lives, he was a slight irritation. Then he grew into a presence that she could manage, and slowly he became a friend. Erin couldn’t explain why she had had such a problem with him and Katya at Jenny’s party, but when she realised that she’d ignored David Donnelly to chase after the English prick, she had to give herself a long stern talk. 

And then... 

The prom. 

When she had opened the door to his stupid scarf and his stupid hair and his stupid, smiling face, the breath caught in her throat. When she took his arm to walk to the dance, her heart sped up. When he pulled her in close for a slow dance and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing the side of her face into his chest, Erin knew she was absolutely fucked. 

And the Clinton visit. Jesus Christ, the Clinton visit. 

The thought of James leaving Derry, leaving their group, left her cold all over. Erin had felt like her heart was eating itself and her stomach was twisting in knot upon knot. 

And then...  
No. 

Erin got up from her bed and walked to her window. The street outside was almost pitch black apart from one streetlight.  
She sighed deeply.  
How could she go back to the group without an explanation? She hadn’t even told Orla, and she was her bloody cousin. 

Not that Orla would understand what was going on. 

Of course she thought about James, how couldn’t she? As she threw herself back down on her bed, one particular memory resurfaced. 

After they’d all travelled to Dublin for the Take That concert, they’d piled onto a coach and returned to the Quinn household, high on Gary Barlow’s silky voice, too happy to even care about the wrath of Mary. Everyone had decided to stay at Erin’s, setting up in her room and listening to Take That long into the wee hours. Michelle hadn’t stopped going on about how Robbie had definitely locked eyes with her, shut up Clare he definitely did, they’re meant to be together, he looked straight at her! 

At about half five in the morning, Erin woke up just in time to stop herself falling out of her bed. Michelle was star-fished on top of the duvet on her front, taking up as much space as possible, with her hair spread out all over the pillow. Erin, as gracefully as possible, extracted herself from Michelle’s legs and stood up. Clare was curled up in a sleeping bag on the floor, her face screwed up like even her dreams were stress-inducing. Orla had almost disappeared under a pile of cushions and blankets, only discernible from some curly brown hair peeking out the top of the mountain she was sleeping in. 

Weak sunshine spilled into the room as the sun struggled to rise, casting a dim golden light over everything. Erin stretched and tip-toed over Clare to make her way downstairs. There was no point trying to go back to sleep, she thought, as Michelle grunted in her sleep and somehow splayed herself out even further.  
Erin quietly walked downstairs, conscious of the morning stillness. 

She ruined it by screeching when she saw someone sat at the kitchen table. 

“Jesus Christ!” Erin reeled backwards. “James, don’t scare me like that!”

The English boy looked confused and slightly amused. “I was just sitting here Erin, didn’t mean to scare you.”  
“Sorry, just wasn’t expecting anyone to be up.”  
He smiled wryly. “I didn’t exactly have much to sleep with. Orla took all my blankets.”  
Erin started rooting about for breakfast. “Want some toast?”  
“Please.”

When she’d finished, Erin served up two plates and sat down next to him. She grinned at him through a mouthful.  
“Last night was absolutely cracker.”  
“It was... cracker. I had such a good time.”

They sat in companionable silence for a while. The sun continued its slow rise. A few golden strands were illuminated in James’ hair. Funny, Erin thought. She’d never noticed them before. 

He looked up from his plate and smiled slightly shyly. “What’re you looking at?”  
“Oh. Nothing.” 

In hindsight, Erin thought, she didn’t know how she could have been so blind. Now, lying on her bed (a distinctly Michelle-less bed), she cursed herself.  
James Maguire.  
Who knew he’d ruin her life like this?


	4. every day it’s like a brand new thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here’s some nervous james and probably ooc michelle bc i love michelle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these chapters are so short bc i’m just cranking them out whenever i can lmao 
> 
> also when i finally finish this fic (even tho there’s no end in sight atm) i’m gonna post all the songs i’ve used for chapter titles

James had never been very good at organisation. He usually sat back and let Clare sort things out, generally content to stick with Orla and take a backseat in the group.  
However, this was different. This could not be a group effort; James needed to sort this mess out himself.  
First, he needed to talk to Michelle. Michelle, his terrifying cousin, who had admitted he meant a lot to her for about five minutes before exploding in his face again when she found out he’d kissed Erin. 

James really, really didn’t want to talk to Michelle. 

But then, something that he could only describe as a miracle happened. 

He had just returned home after Orla insisted on walking him home - “Who’s the one with the hunting knife, James? Me, so pipe down and let me protect you.” - and was more than ready to go to bed and steel himself to face his cousin in the morning. James headed upstairs, careful not to wake his Aunt up. When he’d finished brushing his teeth, he opened the bathroom door only to be faced with his tiny, stony-faced cousin. 

“Hi, Michelle.”  
Her arms were folded across her chest. “We need to talk.”  
“O-okay, yeah, I just wanted to-“  
“In your room. Shift it, come on.”

Michelle began herding him towards his room. She shut the door with an ominous click.  
“Look, Chelle, I know you’re angry and I just-“  
“I’m sorry.”

James blinked. Did he just have a heart attack or did Michelle, Michelle Mallon, who would rather murder Robbie Williams in cold blood than say sorry, apologise to him? 

She tutted. “Hello? Earth to James? I just said I’m sorry and you’re sat there like a fucking melon.”  
“Yeah, I know, I just...” James shook his head. “Thank you.”

Michelle sighed and sat down next to him on his bed. “I spoke to Clare and she made me realise I acted like a prick. I shouldn’t have said that thing about your mam, and I shouldn’t have said you don’t like Erin.”

Had Michelle had a brain transplant?

“I know you really like her, it’s pretty bleedin’ obvious to be honest. I just, I just don’t want this to change anything. If anything, you know, were to happen.”

James smiled at his cousin, who was adamantly not looking him in the eye and seemed very distracted by a bit of fluff on her skirt. “Nothing’s going to change, Michelle. And I really do like her. I just don’t think she feels the same.”

Michelle scoffed. “Don’t be such a prick, James.”  
“Hey!”  
“Oh for feck’s sake, stop whining. Of course she likes you!”  
“Why did she run off then and basically go missing?”  
She rolled her eyes. “Probably because she’s scared of what I’ll say. And because, well, you know Erin’s not that good at handling feelings, as much as she thinks she is.”  
“I guess.” 

Then, amazingly, Michelle took his hand. “I think you need to speak to her.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah.”

She stood up to leave, then suddenly turned back around. “Just because I’m being nice to you about this, doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to be nice to you about fucking everything, okay? And if you even think about hurting my best friend, I will fucking murder you. I don’t care that you’re my cousin, you know I’ll do it if I have to.” And with that threat, she left James’s room.

He smiled. That was more like it.


	5. it’s better when we pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> orla has some thoughts she wants to share on james and erin and bears, ma mary has some very valuable advice and auntie sarah is her usual iconic self

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m literally adding so many chapters today because it’s sunday and i’m procrastinating doing my college essays and nobody’s reading this so i feel like nobody’s judging me

Erin woke up early with a strange feeling that someone was watching her. She rubbed her eyes and sat up, only to scream when she was faced with Orla perched at the end of her bed, staring at her with those wide eyes of hers.  
“Orla, what the-why are you in my room?”   
“I was waiting for you to wake up!”

Orla scrambled up to where Erin was sat, still in a mild state of shock, and shoved herself under the covers with her cousin. Begrudgingly, Erin lay back down; she and Orla used to share a bed all the time when they were wee, staying up much later than their strict bedtimes set by Mary the matriarch, telling stories and snuggling down. 

They lay in silence for a while, Orla amusing herself by walking her fingers along the duvet. Erin felt herself dozing off again until Orla’s croaky voice piped up.  
“Are you ever going to leave your room again?”  
Erin rolled over to face her cousin.   
“What do you mean?”  
“Well, everyone’s noticed you haven’t left the house in a week.”  
Erin raised her eyebrows. “Since when have you started noticing things, Orla?”  
She gave a knowing smile. “Ach, Erin, don’t be silly, you’re my wee cousin.”  
“I’m older than you.”  
“Whatever you say, Erin.”

Erin rested her head on Orla’s arm and sighed. Orla was so mental, surely it couldn’t hurt to confide in her?  
“I’m scared, Orla.”  
“Me too.”  
“What?”  
“Of bears. Or, I was, until Granda gave me that cracking hunting knife.”  
“Right.”

Never mind.   
But then - 

“Is it because of James?”  
Erin lifted her head up. “How do you know about that?”  
“He told me,” Orla said simply. “Well, he told all of us. Yesterday actually.” 

Erin shot up. “He WHAT? Oh, Christ, what did Michelle say?”  
Orla rolled over onto her stomach. “Aye, he told us all and then I walked home with him to make sure nothing attacked him, like a bear or someone who doesn’t like English people.”  
“Orla! What did Michelle say?”  
She shrugged. “Called him a prick. I told him I think it’s nice.”  
“You think what’s nice?”  
“Him wanting to ride you. I think you should talk to him.” 

Erin looked at her cousin incredulously, who had suddenly seemed to have lost interest in the conversation and was burrowing under Erin’s pillow. 

Shoving on her dressing gown as she went, Erin clattered downstairs. Her Ma was making breakfast with the baby on her hip, her Da was getting ready for work, Auntie Sarah was drying out her tan by the window and her Granda, as usual, was sat in front of the telly.   
“Erin!” Mary seemed shocked to see her daughter downstairs. “You okay, love? Want some breakfast?”  
“Mammy,” Erin could feel her eyes welling up. “Can I talk to you?”

Mary immediately sensed that something was wrong and snapped into action. “Gerry, finish the toast.”  
“But I need to-“  
“You daft prick,” Granda Joe piped up. “Butter the bleedin’ toast and be done with it.”   
Mary handed the baby to Joe and rushed around the table to Erin. “Come on love, let’s sit down.” 

They sat down on the sofa farthest away from the kitchen. May anxiously watched her daughters face as she tried to compose herself. “What’s wrong, love?”  
Erin drew in a shaky breath. “It’s this boy, Mammy.”

Ah. Of course. 

“Well, you know you can tell me anything, Erin love.” 

Despite the pain it caused her to see her eldest daughter so upset, Mary was secretly slightly delighted; it was exceedingly rare that Erin confided in her about anything. She had been worried about her for a week now but wanted to wait until she chose a time to talk about it.   
“What’s happened, love?”  
“I-I like this boy, Mammy, and I think he likes me too.”  
“That’s good then, surely?”  
“No, but,” Erin seemed to struggle to find the words. “It’s harder than that. He-he kissed me last week.”

Now Mary thought she was beginning to understand.  
She decided to try and be tactful.

“And this boy, it’s bad that he kissed you because...?”  
Erin sniffed and looked down. “Because I just can’t be with him, it wouldn’t work.”

Ah. Mary definitely had an idea as to who ‘this boy’ was.

“Look, love, if you really like this boy and he really likes you then it shouldn’t matter what other people think. As long as he’s kind and respectful towards you, that’s all that matters. Don’t worry so much and don’t just assume the worst, okay?”  
“Okay, Mammy.”

Mary kissed the top of Erin’s head. “Why don’t you go out and do something today? You’ve been up in your room for so long. You and Orla could meet the girls? Go to the cinema or something?”  
“Maybe, Mammy.”

When Erin had headed back upstairs to Orla, Mary went back into the kitchen.  
“What was all that about?” Sarah spoke through a cloud of cigarette smoke.   
“Ach, boy trouble.” Mary sat down heavily at the kitchen table where Sarah joined her. “Hey, no tan on my chairs, got it?”  
“Christ, Mary, it’s basically dry now!” Sarah leaned in. “What boy troubles?”  
Mary raised her eyebrows. “I have very good reason to believe that Erin and James have feelings for each other.”  
Sarah’s mouth formed a tiny ‘o’ shape. “The wee English fella? I thought he was gay!”  
“Apparently not! He kissed our Erin.”  
Sarah gasped. “No!”   
“Yes. And now she’s in an absolute state because she thinks the girls will be annoyed at her, and she hasn’t spoken to James in a week.”   
“Oh, my God,” Sarah leaned back and lit another fag thoughtfully. “The drama of it all. And you’re okay with Erin macking on with the wee fella?”  
Mary sighed. “If it were anybody else, I’d be grabbing that wooden spoon and that would be the end of it. But James is nice, and we know him.” She smiled fondly. “He liked my hat.”  
“If I’m being honest, Mary, that really doesn’t say much about his judgement skills.”   
Mary scowled.   
“Aye, just make sure Daddy doesn’t get wind of anything,” Sarah looked furtively over her shoulder at where Joe sat with the baby. “He’ll string the poor fella up by his pecker and make sure he never sees the light of day again if he finds out he kissed Erin.”  
“Agreed,” Mary grimaced. “We’ll just leave them be for now and see what happens.”


	6. i don’t wanna be pretending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> queen clare is very wise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if the timeline is confusing i apologise, this is still the same day aka the day after james came clean about The Incident 
> 
> also next chapter will be erin and james facing their truths hehe how exciting 
> 
> also i like having auntie sarah pop up occasionally bc she’s the best

Erin was in a stare-off with the house phone. 

Since her Mam’s pep talk, Erin had decided to put her foot down with a firm hand and do something about this whole situation. She needed to talk to Michelle, and then pluck up her courage and talk to James.

The phone stared at her from its perch on the wall.

The only problem was, if she called the Mallon household to talk to Michelle, James might pick up. That would throw her entire plan off. 

She glared at the phone. So hard in fact, that she didn’t notice Auntie Sarah behind her.  
“Sure, what’re you doing Erin?”  
Erin whipped around to face her Aunt, who looked decidedly more tan than usual. “Oh, um, just waiting for a call. Or, I’m waiting to call. To make a call, to someone. I’m calling someone.”  
“Who, love?”  
“Um, Clare. I’m calling Clare.”

Half an hour later, Erin was stepping into the café to meet Clare. Her best friend was sat by herself at a corner table with her perpetually nervous expression, but broke into a huge grin when she saw Erin.  
“Erin! I’ve missed you so much.”  
She sprang up from her seat and hugged Erin so hard that they both nearly toppled over. 

After some very greasy chips and some questionable coffee, Clare turned business-like.  
“So, what’s your plan?”  
“What do you mean?”  
The tiny girl snorted. “Don’t be daft, Erin, you know what I mean.”  
“Actually, I kind of need your help with that.” 

Erin explained the phone predicament and Clare nodded sagely. “I understand. I’ll call Michelle later for you and tell her to come to yours.”  
“Thanks Clare,” Erin exhaled. “I know I need to talk to James but I just want to clear the air with Michelle first. I really don’t want to upset her.”  
“You know, I think she’s fine. I spoke to her after James told us what happened and I think she’s coming to terms with it.” Clare grinned slyly. “So, this thing with James... it’s, like, a real thing?”  
“I guess so. I just don’t want to make it complicated.”

Clare scoffed. “Look, Erin, our group has been through so much together, I really don’t think you and James getting together is going to cause any long-term, lasting damage. I personally think it should have happened ages ago.”  
Erin raised her eyebrows. “Really?”  
“Uh, yes? He always looks at you with this pathetic, puppy-dog face. And when you force- asked John-Paul to the prom I could tell he was upset.”  
“You could?”  
“Of course I could!”  
“Huh.”  
Clare took a sip of her coffee wisely, then grimaced. “Eugh. Look, just talk to Michelle and then be honest with James. You know he feels the same way and you know your family love him, so I personally think this is all going to work out fine.”  
“Thanks, Clare.”  
“When did you know you liked him?” 

Another memory came to mind. Straight after the prom, after they’d been Carried, they all walked home together, bedraggled and covered in tomato juice. Michelle was raging about the dresses, shouting into the void about how she was never going to get a refund, her Mam was going to go mad, no Clare she would not fucking calm down.  
Orla had gone home with Granda Joe, who had been eventually convinced to not tell Mary and Gerry what had happened at the dance, in the hopes that Erin could evade them once she got home to have a shower.  
As Clare scuttled ahead with Michelle, trying and failing to placate her, Erin hung back with James.  
“Thanks for taking me to the dance,” she stared resolutely ahead as they walked, but could feel his grey eyes on her.  
“It’s okay. I didn’t mind missing my thing-“  
“Creep convention.”  
“I just didn’t want you to feel alone.”  
Erin stopped walking and turned to look at him.  
“What?”  
He looked down at her. She’d never noticed how tall he was.  
“I just- I know you really liked John-Paul, but I feel like that was the problem. You liked him so much that I was worried you’d forgive him for letting you down, and you’d spend the whole night by yourself.”  
Erin didn’t reply.  
“I don’t want to sound mean, I- I just mean, I didn’t want you to have a bad night, you know? You’re worth more than him, he’s, he’s really stupid. I just wanted you to not feel alone.” 

Erin’s eyes were wide. Abruptly, she moved forward and hugged him tight. It was sticky and uncomfortable because of the tomato juice covering both of them, but as he put his arms around her, she realised she didn’t mind.  
“Thank you.”

In the café, Erin realised she hadn’t answered Clare’s question.  
“Erin? When did you know?”  
“I-I’m not sure. It just sort of, crept up on me.”


	7. i sing with colour what a shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> erin and michelle finally reunite <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i know i said it was erin and james in this chapter but i had to have erin and michelle make up first 
> 
> also granda joe nation rise up

Erin had gone to bed feeling relatively stress free after an afternoon with Clare. Instead of going straight up to her room when getting home, she’d spent the night with her infuriating family whom she loved more than she could say, watching crappy telly. She’d let Orla share her bed and listened to her talking some shite about bears, which seemed to be her latest obsession.   
Everything was getting back on track, and now she just had to talk to Michelle. 

When Erin woke up the next morning, Orla’s hair in her mouth, she immediately felt nervous. Clare had said she’d ring Michelle and tell her to go round to the Quinn’s, but Erin had no idea when she’d be here.   
Bleeding hell. 

“Morning, love.” Gerry greeted his eldest daughter from the kitchen table. “Sleep okay?”  
“Yes thanks, Da.”   
Erin clambered onto the counter where her Ma was washing dishes. “Need any help, Mammy?”   
Mary’s eyes narrowed. “What’re you up to, aye? Is it money you want, because I tell you what Erin I really can’t be-“  
“Mammy, I just want to help.”  
Mary looked properly at her daughter. Erin looked nervous; she was biting her lower lip and her eyes were wide.   
“Sure, love. Do some drying for me.”

Erin set to work, desperate not to think about what she would say to Michelle when she got there. 

Orla soon came clattering downstairs, followed by a yawning Auntie Sarah. The fluorescent pink hair rollers and orange floral dressing gown she wore gave the kitchen a pop of colour that Erin wasn’t sure it needed.   
“Christ but I’m sure I’m exhausted,” Sarah sat down at the table with the air of a long-suffering soldier home on leave. “I could hardly sleep last night, it was so warm. I’m telling you, my room is like a furnace at the moment.” 

Joe piped up from his place at the table. “Gerry you lazy bastard, why don’t you make yourself useful and fix the bloody radiator in my daughter’s room?”  
“Ach, Da, leave him alone.”  
“To be fair to Daddy, Mary, I do think Gerry needs to do something about it, I felt like a boiling lobster last night.”  
“See what I mean, he’s bloody useless.”  
“Come on now, Joe.”  
“Don’t you ‘come on now Joe’ me, sonny, you fix that heater.” 

Erin lost herself in her family’s inane ramblings as she washed up. She began to imagine what it would be like if James became a true part of the family. He could sit for breakfast with them, watch telly with her Da and help her Ma with the ironing. He could gossip with Auntie Sarah and have a laugh with Granda Joe.   
He could hold her hand at the dinner table.   
She smiled thinking about him becoming a part of their little unit - and then the doorbell rang. 

Erin jumped and nearly dropped a plate.   
“I’ll get it!” She scrambled down from the countertop and missed the glance that Mary and Sarah exchanged. 

Erin swung the door open to find Michelle smoking on her doorstop, squinting in the morning sunlight.   
“Hey.”  
“Hi.”  
“Come in?”  
Mary’s voice rang from the kitchen. “Michelle, you’d better put that fag out before you step foot in this house, you hear me?” Sarah clicked her lighter.   
“Loud and clear, Mary.” Michelle shouted back, dropping the cigarette and stamping it out. She moved past Erin and started her way upstairs.   
Erin took a deep breath and followed her. 

She shut her bedroom door behind her and turned to Michelle, who was sat casually on her bed.   
“Look, Michelle, I’m-“  
“Can I go first?”   
“Uh-“   
“Thanks.” Michelle stood up and walked as she talked; Erin thought it would be best to sit down and let her friend get her words out. “Look, I don’t want to be a prick about this. I know I reacted badly to James and said some shit I didn’t mean, but I’ve spoken to him and said sorry.”  
Erin’s eyes widened. “You said sorry?”  
“Yes, okay?” Michelle sounded her usual, irritated self. “I’m not saying I was wrong or anything, but maybe I wasn’t completely right. Only an idiot wouldn’t be able to see that, for some reason, you want to ride him, and he obviously feels the same way. I’m not sure if you had a lobotomy or something this summer because I can’t think of any other fucking reason you’d fancy my dickbag cousin, but the fact is you do, and he fancies you, so don’t listen to anything I say. Just, talk to him because he is driving me up the fucking wall about this.”   
Michelle stopped pacing once she’d finished her monologue, looking expectantly at Erin. “Well? Anything?” 

Erin felt like she could cry. “Thanks, Michelle. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”  
Michelle sighed and sat down next to her friend. “Yeah well, I get why you didn’t. Hey, don’t cry, you dickhead.”  
“Sorry, sorry.”   
Michelle, in a fit of goodwill, put her arm around Erin. “I am happy for you, really. Even though I think you’re fucking mental.” 

Erin smiled and extracted herself. Michelle threw herself back onto the bed. “What do you even see in him? He’s English, for feck’s sake.”   
Erin lay back next to her. “I know, I think I just have to look past that.”  
“I couldn’t, if I’m being honest. You must really fucking like him.”  
“I do. I really do. God, I’ve been such a prick.”  
“Nah, at least you didn’t strong-arm him into coming to the prom. He took you willingly.”  
“Only after me mam called him.”  
“Your mam loves him, that’s a good thing. He liked that ugly hat she wore at the wedding.”  
“That’s true.”   
Michelle rolled over. “I’m meeting Clare in a bit, I’ll take Orla. Maybe you can go to mine and talk to James?”  
Erin’s heart leapt. Michelle must have seen the look on her face because she rolled her eyes. “For feck’s sake, just talk to him, if not for your sake then for mine. I miss hanging out with the whole group and, if I’m being honest, his whining and moping about is driving me fucking bonkers, I can’t take much more of it. Talk to him.” 

“Okay.”


	8. playing games, people move so fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bit of james introspection and an irritated michelle, just before she went to see erin in the last chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haven’t had any james for a while so here is our boy   
> also some orla craic bc she’s insane and i love her very much

James knew he was pissing Michelle off. 

She had been so nice after she’d kicked off at him on The Night, that she was now obviously finding it hard to keep up with that persona, and so tried to stay out of his way. 

Two days after The Night, James came downstairs in the morning to find her in the kitchen, blasting Take That on the radio and buttering toast. The minute she turned around to face him, she scowled.   
“For God’s sake James, stop looking so fucking mopey!”  
“I’m not,” he said incredulously.  
“Yes, you fucking are, and it’s getting right on my nerves. Look, I’m going round to Erin’s.”  
James’s heart decided to do a somersault. “What? Why?”  
“Oh, I’m sorry James, do I need permission to go and see my best friend?”  
“No, I just-“  
“Seeing as you don’t have the balls to go and talk to her, it looks like I’m having to grow my own pair. I am fucking sick of you whining about this and acting like she’s died, just call her or speak to her or something.” Michelle grabbed her piece of toast and headed towards the front door. “I’m going to see Erin, then I’m going out with Clare and Orla, so I highly suggest you get your fucking knickers into gear because if you two don’t talk at some point today and sort this shit out, I’m moving to Balleybofey.” 

The door slammed behind her. 

James stood in a mild state of shock for a few seconds, before moving slowly into the kitchen to turn the radio down.   
He sat down at the kitchen table and put his head in his hands. 

Why had he made the situation so complicated? If he’d just spoken to Erin afterwards instead of letting her become a hermit for a week, none of this would have happened. He felt like such a dick. 

And now he had to speak to her about it.   
All he wanted was to be with her. He even had Michelle’s blessing, sort of. So it was up to him. 

Despite himself, he smiled when he thought of Erin. Her soft hair. Her tiny, upturned nose. He loved her determination, even when it landed her in trouble. God, he was fucked. 

The phone rang, startling him out of his daydream.   
“Hello?”  
“James, is that you? Over.”  
“Yes, hello? Who is this?”  
“Orla, over.”  
“Why do you keep saying ‘over’?”  
“I saw it in this spy movie, it was great craic. Over.”  
“What do you want, Orla?”  
“Michelle’s in Erin’s room. I think they’re talking about you. Over.”  
“Why did you want to tell me that?”  
“I don’t know, thought you might be interested. Over.”  
“I might see you later. I’m going to talk to Erin when Michelle’s left yours.”  
“Roger that.”  
“Roger what?”  
“That. Over.”  
And with that, she hung up. 

That was enough insanity for the morning. James decided to be a man and face up to the truth. He liked Erin Quinn, and he was going to make sure she knew. 

In a couple of hours.


	9. lay your eyes on me, lead me in the dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY the two lovesick idiots see each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is literally no tension in this fic bc i’m uploading like all of it in one day but oh well i’m the only one reading it atm 
> 
> this is my occupation whilst i’m waiting for season 3 to come out

After Michelle left in the early afternoon, Erin sat downstairs in the living room. Everyone was out, so she was alone.   
It was a ten minute walk to the Mallon household.  
She stood up, checked her face in the mirror, and headed out. 

At about half one in the afternoon, after a considerable period of moping around the house by himself, James steadied himself in the living room.   
It was a ten minute walk to the Quinn household.   
He checked his face in the hall mirror, and headed out. 

The day was warm and bright. As Erin walked down the street, she could feel her heart rate pick up. Why was she so damn nervous? 

James rubbed his hands together as he walked. His stomach was tying itself in knots. Why was he so anxious about this? 

“Don’t be a dick,” Erin muttered to herself as she sped up. “This is fine. This is completely fine.”   
After a few more minutes of determined walking, she lifted her head to see a figure in the distance walking towards her. Was that-?

With every step James took, he told himself to man up. Was he going to be sick? Hopefully not.   
He looked up and saw a small, faint figure walking towards him. Was that-?

As the two continued, it became clear who was walking towards them.   
Closer.  
And closer.  
And closer. 

Erin Quinn and James Maguire were stood in front of each other, after over a week of no contact.   
Erin’s throat felt dry. James’s mouth was slightly open.   
“Hi,” he croaked out.  
“Hey,” Erin’s voice came out as barely more than a whisper.   
No words. They could hear cars driving past, and birds in the trees, but it still felt weirdly silent.  
“We need to-“  
“I need to tell you some-“  
They both tried to talk at once then both stopped at the same time.   
“You go-“  
“Go on-“

Erin huffed, and suddenly the tension seemed to break. “You go, James.”  
“No, you can if you want.”  
“James, you.”

James swallowed and shifted where he stood. “Okay. Um, I just wanted to, what I wanted to say was, that, Ireallylikeyouandimsorryikissedyoubutimalsonotsorrybecauseireallylikeyouandireallymissyou.”   
Erin snorted and James grinned bashfully. “Want to maybe try that again?”  
He took a deep breath. “Erin, I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry if I freaked you out by kissing you last week, that’s the last thing I want to do. And I... I really like you. I have for a long time, and I know you feel the same way. I’m sorry I’ve been a prick about it.” 

Erin wished her eyes would stop welling up. “It’s my fault, I’ve been such a dick. I shouldn’t have ran off the way I did and left you to deal with it all. I-I really like you too.”

James smiled.   
“Really?”  
“Really really.”   
He looked down and shuffled his feet. “So... where do we go from here?”   
Erin took a step towards him. “I think you know where.”

This time, she leaned in. She pressed her lips to his. It wasn’t fireworks behind her eyes, or trumpets playing, or cherubs floating above their heads. It was a simple kiss under the sun, with her hands on his waist and his arms around her shoulders.

It was absolutely perfect.


	10. want you more than a melody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> final chapter unless i get bored and write another one

“I’m telling you, the guy in that shop was an absolute ride- oh, for feck’s sake.”

Michelle clattered through her front door, followed by Clare and Orla, only to find two people on the sofa in her living room, sat so closely that they could have been one person.   
Erin and James abruptly broke apart, with James cricking his neck in the process.  
“Oh, hi, we were just-“  
“Just, just watching telly!”  
The three girls looked over at the telly. It was off.  
“Doesn’t seem to be much on,” Clare smirked.   
Orla clambered over the back of the sofa and wedged herself between the two. “What show’s this, then?”

Erin got up from the sofa, smoothing down her hair, and walked into the kitchen with as much dignity as she could muster. Michelle and Clare followed her. “Oh, my God, Erin!” Clare squeaked, jumping from one foot to the other. “You finally talked!”  
“Looks like they’ve been doing a lot more than talking,” Michelle snorted. “Look, I’m happy for you, I really am. But what I don’t want to see is you two riding each other on the sofa, it’ll seriously make me boke.”   
“Michelle,” Erin hissed as her cheeks flushed. “We were not riding each other.”  
“Didn’t look that way to me.”  
“We weren’t!” Erin took a deep breath. “We talked things through, and we’ve decided to give it a go.”   
“And what is ‘it’, exactly?” asked Clare.  
“You know. Like, a relationship.”  
“I really think I’m gonna boke.” 

The three girls grabbed some snacks and joined James and Orla back in the living room. Erin shoved Orla to the end of the sofa, who didn’t seem to mind, and sat next to James. He smiled at her and slipped his hand into hers.   
Michelle pointed at them warningly. “Oi, watch it you two.”   
James blushed and Erin rolled her eyes. “Ach, give over Michelle. You just said you were happy for us.”  
“Yeah, well. My point still stands.”  
She looked at them ominously for a few more seconds before settling down on a beanbag, propping her feet up on Clare’s lap. Orla stretched out on the carpet, counting our popcorn in front of her. Clare and Michelle quickly began squabbling about what to watch, both trying to wrestle the remote off the other. 

Erin looked at her friends. She looked down at her hand, intertwined with James’s.  
“Hey,” he said softly.  
“Hey.” Erin looked into those grey eyes she loved so much.  
“I’m so happy.”  
Erin smiled.   
“Me too.” 

A few hours later, after Clare, Orla and Erin had left the Mallon household (Michelle pointedly looked away when James kissed Erin at the door), Michelle and James were left in the living room together.   
“What a day.”  
Michelle looked at her cousin in a rare moment of fondness. “I know. I’m glad it worked out in the end.”  
“Me too, Michelle.”  
They sat in comfortable silence. Michelle grinned suddenly.   
“What? What is it?”  
She broke out into laughter. “I’ve just thought. You do realise you’re going to have to deal with Joe hating you now?”  
James’s eyes widened.   
“Oh, shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as promised here are the songs i used for chapter titles 
> 
> love is a laserquest - arctic monkeys  
> calm down aka i should not be alone - ezra furman  
> always - rex orange county   
> bittersweet - greer   
> all my friends - lcd soundsystem   
> waves - calpurnia   
> kill me - christian leave   
> young love - mystery jets   
> queen of the world - ida marie   
> sunflower, vol. 6 - harry styles 
> 
> thank u sm if u read this shitty little fic that i wrote in about 2 days xx


End file.
